How to get the men in your life to open up
For generations, men have been socialized to conform to traditional archetypes of masculinity: dominance, stoicism, and self-reliance. While these traits are often framed as strengths, they can act as a massive barrier to emotional well-being. The social pressure to keep feelings bottled up leaves many men dealing with deep isolation, severe burnout, anxiety, and depression in silence.
In fact, suicide remains a leading cause of death for young and middle-aged men, highlighting just how dangerous emotional silence can be.
Opening up isn't easy.
If you want to encourage a partner, son, friend, or brother to share what they are going through, traditional "sit-down" interrogations often backfire. Drawing from insights by trauma specialist and former military clinical psychologist Dr. Duncan Precious, here are five practical, psychological strategies to help the men in your life open up safely.
1. Start Gently with "I" Statements
When you want someone to share what is on their mind, starting the conversation with direct questioning can feel like an accusation. Instead, express your own softer, vulnerable emotions first.
Avoid criticism: Statements like "You never talk to me anymore" immediately put people on the defensive.
Lead with vulnerability: Expressing emotions like loneliness, sadness, or a desire for connection invites empathy rather than defensiveness.
Try saying: "I've been feeling a bit distant from you lately, and I would love to understand what’s going on for you."
Communicating your needs rather than criticizing their behaviour creates a kind, positive entry point for the conversation.
2. Pick the Right environment (Think Side-by-Side)
Men often find intense, face-to-face eye contact pressuring during emotional discussions. They typically open up more when they feel uninhibited and physical tension is low.
Move together: Conversations often flow more naturally during physical activities like taking a walk, driving, or chatting right after exercise.
Lower the pressure: Side-by-side interactions take away the feeling of being under a spotlight, making the conversation feel less like an interrogation and more like a shared, equal experience.
3. Stay Calm and Regulated
For anyone to share their deepest concerns, they need to feel psychologically safe. That means knowing that you, as the listener, will not emotionally react, get angry on their behalf, or take on their distress as your own.
Soothe your own nervous system: Seeing a loved one in pain can trigger anxiety and an overwhelming urge to fix things. Take a breath and focus on staying grounded.
Be a safe harbour: Your main role isn't to carry their stress. Instead, try to show that you can tolerate how they feel without getting overwhelmed.
4. Drop the need to "Fix It"
A major barrier for many men is the belief that expressing emotion makes them a burden or that every problem brought up requires an immediate solution.
Unburden yourself: Remind yourself that whatever they are feeling is theirs to process—you do not have to fix, solve, or change their emotional state.
Create mental space: Most of the time, simply expressing a thought aloud provides the perspective needed to process it. When you stop trying to fix the problem, the conversation becomes lighter and more constructive for both of you.
Avoid toxic positivity: Telling someone "Not to worry," to "Just stay positive," or to "Snap out of it" invalidates their experience and shuts down communication instantly.
5. make it a ritual
Build low-pressure check-ins into everyday routines. For example:
Reflect on highs and lows at dinner time
Arrange a weekly friends’ night out
Do a quick check-in before bed with your kids
Ask about their day, show them you care and that you want to know. The more you do it, the easier it will become.
Learning to navigate vulnerability takes time, especially in a culture that continuously pushes men toward stoicism (acting like nothing affects them). If the man or young adult in your life is struggling with burnout, anxiety, identity pressures, or relationship dynamics, having a neutral, supportive space can make all the difference.
At Mind Within Therapy, we believe therapy shouldn't feel like a cold doctor's visit. We provide grounded, casual, and culturally sensitive support for men, youth, and BIPOC individuals across Ontario.
Reach out for a free consultation today!
